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I think of "why did he have to contact me after that week".. and that gives me the to stay away... to help you... to help you get over someone your friends have ed a liar.. and from someone who has done "SO MANY things" to you.. I do agree with you though.. no matter what.. I still love you.. I have never stopped... I find myself thinking of you at certain songs.. at certain times of the day.. at random times of the day.. I go to sign on my to see if there is a message from you and then the hurt comes barreling at me when I remember the current situation.. I think of you when it's raining.. I think of you when I see a of snow.. I think of you when I use my blue blanket every night.. I think of you when I watch the we love, over and over and over... "whoopsie daisies". at night before I fall asleep... when I wake up.. when I'm driving by xxx of the hundred places we've been together.. and especially when I drive by xxx of the hundred places that I WANTED to be at with you.. movie , movie stairwell, Roswell wv hotties swinger looking big girl the mall,local mature women to fuck in Bayonne city restaurants, any women in Denver want to fuck nsa parks, other cities.. my chair... in my arms again.. I will always love you.. but right now I am still IN love with you.. I don't have to try too hard to be busy.. I have been very busy.. but the pain still comes no matter what.. the thoughts still come no matter what.. bittersweet they are... at memories of what has been... and instant sadness at where we are... I tell myself that I KNOW you are better off. that I have helped YOU in some large way.. I don't let myself think of how I am feeling.. I just sit there and hope that in the long run it's what's best for YOU and that it will help you reach a point where you are happy and smiling and carefree.. and most of all that your heart doesn't hurt.. you were xxx of the most important reasons that I had real in my life.. thank you.. I had thought to write that I miss my best friend.. but your friends said it.. how could I be your bests friend when I was never there? :( I never really understood the term "soul-shattering" when I heard it long ago.. I understand it now.. it only makes sense though.. you can NOT be as happy and as in love as we were.. you can not be at that high of a level of happiness.. without knowing that when the hurt and sadness comes.. it will be as powerful as the happiness was...also the term... "lost without you". well... there are times I am doing something and then I think of you.. no warning.. not a thing to remind me of you.. but . there you are.. in my thoughts.. and I always always always smile first.. and when I can clear my head after those thoughts.. I have no idea what I was doing or thinking before that... thank you for your well wishes.. I do believe you truly want those things for me... and I hope you know just how much.. how very much.. I want you to be happy.. to smile.. to feel complete... I will be safe.. I hope you stay safe.. I know you are reckless... I will eat and sleep and smile.. but never as easily as I did when I was with you.. I hope you eat well.. NOT like a bird.. that you sleep well... get off the damn couch and into a bed.. a real bed.. with a fan.. and a when it's cool out.. and your . :( :( god dammit... :( your . they are too fucking special to not share them with the world.. with every xxx . your smile is infectious... you CAUSE happiness.. I don't... YOU do.. so please smile as much as you can.. it's your responsibility actually... I'll sit in my empty house for the next few days and just... well.. I will try to come to terms with things.. and mostly just think of you.. that hasn't changed at all in the last xxx years.. I will be thinking of you.. I just need you to be happy.. as long as you are happy I will be... well... as long as you are happy... you're a great person.. a remarkable woman.. i'm jealous of anyone that gets to have you in their lives... I them.. and I am happy for them.. I hope we find xxx another again too.. I found you last night... in my dream... it was a spring day.. and we were at a picnic table.. reading.. your hand in mine while we both read... sharing and the day.. we weren't doing anything special or romantic.. but.. because we were together.. because you were THERE WITH ME... it was the MOST special.. and it was the most ROMANTIC thing.. I have ever been a part of.. I've rambled on enough.. 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